It’s been a few years since I became a single mother. It’s not as bad as you might think, but it does come with its own set of challenges and difficulties. It can be hard to know where to start when you’re getting out on your own for the first time. There will always be someone who had gone before you and lived to tell about their experience- mine is no exception. Here are some of the things that I Wish I Knew a Year Ago About Being a Single Mom:
1. If you’re not already financially stable, chances are you won’t become financially stable anytime soon. Unless your parents or grandparents have been saving their entire life for exactly this kind of emergency, you can forget about any financial support for at least 18 years. And be ready to say goodbye to disposable income and nights out with friends (at least if you’re like me), but also know that it’s okay to ask for help in the beginning when you’re struggling.
2. You will become closer than ever with your child, especially if they are a single child. Every little thing that happens from the moment you get up until you go back to sleep becomes a shared experience because there is no other adult constantly around to take over the parenting role – whether it’s changing their diaper or helping them learn how to walk. On days when they have a cold that has been extra clingy lately, you’ll be grateful for this special bond. It’s the best feeling in the world.
3. You will not feel like yourself anymore. There was a reason why you used to go out with friends on Friday nights (or Saturday, or any night really), and that person will slowly fade away into oblivion if they haven’t already disappeared after your child was born. Now when you’re around other people, it’s only because of your baby – whether it’s at their playmates’ birthday party or picking someone up from daycare.
4. Your friends from before kids won’t understand, no matter how much you try to explain. I can say without a doubt that my real friends are those who have been there every step of the way since I told them that I was pregnant. They know how hard it’s been, and they get why, even if there isn’t a logical explanation for my actions.
5. You will feel guilty. There is no one else to monitor the relationship between you and your child (even though they also have a father), and parenting is like walking on eggshells some days because one wrong move could damage their self-esteem more than you realize. You’re constantly worried about whether or not they are okay while under your care, which can lead to feeling guilty regardless of all the precautions you take (like double-checking every window before leaving a room). This is definitely what I wish I knew a year ago about being a single mom…
6. Sometimes, both your heart and brain will war with each other (especially in the beginning). You will feel like you finally have a moment to yourself after months of no sleep and wonder why on earth did you think this was a good idea. It doesn’t help that friends and family mention things like “enjoy it while it lasts” because the truth is, the early stages (and even later stages) can be such a struggle sometimes that your life is constantly hanging on by a thread until you learn how to balance everything more efficiently.
7. Going back to work might not seem worth it at first, but it’s your decision. This is one of those situations where one person’s great opportunity could mean another person’s worst nightmare – including whether or not there are affordable daycares near enough to your workplace or whether you’ve got a partner who can help with childcare when it’s needed most.
8. You’ll become a better person. Whether this is through the way that you communicate more efficiently, learn to prioritize everything in order of importance, or see both the good and bad in people on a level deeper than before, being a single parent had changed me for the better, even if it took some time before I realized that this is what was happening.
9. It will not always be easy. Still, if you put enough trust into yourself and your ability to use common sense, there is no reason why you shouldn’t be able to handle anything thrown at you – especially when everyone around tells you how strong you are for making it this far.
10. You’re going to be a great parent. No matter what mistakes you may have made in your life or which bad decisions you’ve made along the way – none of it matters when you see your child’s face light up at the sight of you entering a room. The love that comes from having a baby changes everything for the better, and there is no reason why you shouldn’t want to continue doing what you do, even if it’s difficult sometimes.
11. The “single parent” label comes with a lot of misconceptions. Not only will you constantly feel judged by those who keep asking if you’ve found someone new (as if they have any right to ask), but you’ll find yourself wondering what life would be like if things had turned out differently – even though there’s no real use in dwelling on those thoughts at all.
Baby showers are not always as fun as they seem. With people constantly asking the same questions about your plans for life or feeling the need to remind you of how difficult having a child will be, it’s not always the relaxing event that people might think it is.
12. You don’t have time for unnecessary drama. There are days where you’ll want nothing more than to lash out at someone who has said or done something hurtful, but learning when enough is one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned over the last year.
13. You will never, ever regret becoming a single parent. Sometimes it’s the smallest things that make all of the late nights worth it, and even if everything else in your life isn’t where you expected it to be at this point – there is no reason for you to feel guilty about the fact that you are dedicating 100% of yourself to being a great mom.
Here are some tips on how I balance it all!
https://www.bylisaglam.com/selfcareworklife/
Conclusion: The most important thing I learned is to take care of myself. If you’ve been a single mom for any length of time, the above statements may already be familiar to you as well. Make sure that there’s someone in your life who will remind you how amazing and strong you are, but also make sure that person doesn’t give up on holding out hope for better days ahead. This is What I Wish I Knew a Year Ago About Being a Single Mom!
From my 35th birthday. Last year…
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